I keep thinking about, or shall I say worrying about, the future and the experiences I lack. I've never had a job or been in a relationship, I don't know how to drive, and I'm not in touch with any of my old friends. I feel like everyone else has experienced these things.
The friends situation. Everyone from my sixth form is still in contact with each other, and are still the best of friends. I hated myself in sixth form and felt low a lot of the time, so when the time to leave arrived, I left everything, and everyone, behind. I sometimes wish I made the effort to keep in contact. I didn't because people didn't contact me either, and that made me think that they didn't like me. I feel pathetic just writing that! But our minds can be cruel sometimes and make us paranoid. Also, to make more friends, you need to go out and meet people, but to do that, you need friends to go out with. Vicious circle!
I know driving isn't the most important thing, but it just adds to the fact that I'm not growing up at the rate of others. I didn't learn to drive when I was 17 because I didn't have the money. I have the money now, but I want to learn the basics with my dad before giving my money away. I also find driving scary. I'm hoping to go more often with my dad so I'm confident enough to have lessons.
Again, the relationship thing sounds pathetic, but it can sometimes feel like a big deal. Nearly everyone I know has been in a relationship, and sometimes I feel like a child being the odd one out. I often think 'will I ever have a boyfriend?'. And I can't see myself having a boyfriend for a long, long while because I don't go places to meet new people (aside from uni). It's the same circle as the friends one above.
The job thing is my biggest concern, and is what's making me feel like a failure. My lack of confidence has always got in the way. I'd be happy working in a stock room away from people, but a lot of jobs require social interaction. This Summer, I'm going to either try and get work experience, or a small job. If I don't, where am I going to start after uni? No one will want to hire me. Also, I'm still not 100% sure on what I want to do with my life.
Lack of relationships and jobs, and not knowing what I want to do with my life makes thinking of the future terrifying. I try shutting it out and focusing on the present, but it's hard.
So, there it is. I don't know how long I'll keep this post published for. I can see people thinking 'you did this to yourself' and 'oh, what are you worrying about? Get over it'.
I know exactly how you feel when it comes to many of these things. I'm 2 years older than you, so I have experienced a little more, but for a long while I didn't, but it all happens eventually- "whats for you wont pass you by" cheesy I know but true.
ReplyDeleteDriving was a huge thing for me, I was (and still am) a terrified driver! I had lessons with my Dad before meeting an instructor & I definitely recommend that because you'll feel more comfortable with your dad. Then, your instructor will think you're a good & hard working pupil whose determined, regardless of your driving ability- we all learn at diff rates & all my friends passed before me which made me feel awful but I eventually got there & whilst I dont currently drive as Im at uni, I proved I could do it & it was something to tick off the to do list!
sorry this is so long, I hoped its of some comfort :) x
Sixth Form was a horrible time for me too, and although there's a few people I'm still in touch with, the job, driving and relationship aspects were the same for me, and it made me feel even more excluded from my peers. Lack of confidence is a horrible thing, it was one of the factors that made me leave uni after a week and apply for jobs - what about applying for maybe a stockroom role in a shop for the summer? You get to interact with your colleagues at times and don't always have to deal with customers :) Hope things work out for you xx
ReplyDeleteHiya, I just read your post and I had to comment! I'm 22 and until a few months ago I didn't have a job, my first relationship started when I had just turned 20, I can't and haven't even attempted to drive yet & would only say I have a very small number of friends myself, so you're not alone with how you feel but you aren't pathetic, or strange or whatever. I know me saying this won't make you feel better but I just wanted to show you that you're not alone at all. :) while you are at university have you joined any clubs? If not you should consider it, its a great way to meet new people and gets you out too :) sorry for rambling haha. :) xxx
ReplyDeleteTo add to the other comments another thing could be, if money allows, to move into a shared house next year with some strangers or people from your course. It's terrifying but you'll find some new friends and go out more (if you wanted to) and then meet more people etc and it could really help. It's terrifying but I did it and its the best thing I have ever done.
ReplyDeleteI'm 23 and I've never been in a relationship, it took me 4 driving tests to pass and I wrote my first car off an hour after leaving the house, and I am only in contact with 1-2 people from high school and while I still speak to many people from Sixth Form, it's more of a 'meet up every few months and don't really talk in between' thing. However I believe I made my friends for life at uni! I struggle sometimes because you can't help but compare yourself to the people you know (long-term relationships or constant male attention/close knit groups of friends who have known each other for years/etc) but at the same time I don't want to just do what everyone else does to fit in - e.g. I've never gone out with the intention of pulling someone, I go out to have a good time with my friends. I guess life will happen as and when.
ReplyDeleteMaybe instead of a job (unless you need the money) you could volunteer somewhere - like a charity shop, or over the summer I volunteered at a Summer Reading Scheme my local library had which was really fun and I now have a job there.
I wouldn't let all this get you down, I'm 3 years older than you and I have most of the same worries. I didn't learn to drive until I was 21 and passed my test when I was 22. My last boyfriend was when I was 16 and all my friends are settled down. When it's meant to happen it'll happen, normally when you least expect, but I completely understand your worries xx
ReplyDeleteYou're not alone! I'm in a similar situation but I figure that there's no point worrying about it because it won't change a thing. Easier said than done though, I know.
ReplyDeleteLauren x
You shouldn't feel bad about not staying friends with people from your sixth form. As you said, if they wanted to stay in touch they would have, friendship is a two way street! I live by the rule that no friends is better than fake friends. I know exactly how you feel, I don't keep in touch with anyone from my school days. I left school for university a year early because I just didn't like or connect with anyone there.
ReplyDeleteIs there anyone at uni that you chat to during the day? Or a group of people you think seem nice? There's absolutely nothing wrong with approaching a group at a lecture and asking to sit by them and making some small talk and ask them how things are going for them. I have found, at least in my uni, that even the most socially awkward people (i.e. me in my first year, 16 and just out of school where I spoke to noone and was convinced that people just didn't like me) can pretend to be confident, bite the bullet and approach people who seemed friendly. Those girls I approached are really good friends now, btw, even four years later. I used to sit in the house every day of the week wondering when I would have a group of friends to spend nights with before realising that I just needed to do it. Just get friends. I put myself on a mission to find places that offered things I was interested in, since I'd find people interested in similar things. (I now do ballet and gymnastics! haha). Maybe even see if your uni has any clubs that you would be interested in? I'm sure they would 100% welcome you with open arms. I also think having a part time job in a retail place really forced being sociable on me too. I was terrified of having to work with loads of people and interact with hundreds a day, but it's something you get used to, learn to enjoy once you relax and you realise that in part time jobs most people are just intelligent, mature and friendly students like yourself who just want to make friends. Also, volunteering might be less intimidating for you to start off with. Remember you are not the only person who goes through tough and lonely times, although it may not seem like it. Once you are ready to put yourself out there things will come to you, don't worry.
At least this is my thoughts and experiences, incase you were interested xx
You're totally not alone! I'm 21 and whilst a lot of things have happened in a short space of time for me, until recently I had NO idea what was happening with my life. I still don't really know what's going to happen long term, and I never went to university. If it makes you feel any better, I never learned to drive either and I can't see myself starting in the foreseeable future. I don't really have any friends outside of blogging either, but I enjoy my own company and don't feel the need to 'go out' in the way that society tells us we should. Don't worry - everything will fall into place before you know it. :-) x
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel! I'm going through a similar situation at the moment - I constantly worry about things I don't need too and really struggling with what I actually want out of life, not sure whether Uni is still for me etc. But you've just got to think of the positive out of the situation - easier said than done I know - but sometimes it's easier talking to people, even if it's just on here :). I always find I feel like I can give sort of good(ish) advice to other people, but when it comes to myself it's the complete opposite I need to stop doing that and think what I'd advice other people. When people worry it's so hard to see the positive in a situation, but you're at Uni so that's a positive step, you seem like you study really hard (from seeing your tweets) so that shows commitment and motivation to the task in hard. It's hard enough to get a job these days, so I wouldn't really worry too much about the job thing! just try and see if you can get a bit of experience through Uni I know we have a place in the library at our Uni where you can go for help with stuff like that, even if it's just a week experience or something it still looks good on your cv! Also blogging - I've never really thought about it before but I'd definitely put my blog on my CV now, it shows commitment and your work ethic. Just try and think about the box a bit and I'm sure you'll be oky :).
ReplyDeleteIf you ever need to talk too you know where I am!
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I can definitely relate to this post! Sometimes it's hard to remember that it's not all a race. Jobwise, you will be absolutely fine! It may take you a while to build up your confidence with people but do it slowly and I reckon you will even secretly start to enjoy dealing with the public. Remember that every single person you see and meet has a long list of worries, insecurities and problems of their own (some just cover them up very well!) As for the driving, it is hard work and everybody is anxious and nervous when they first start but it sounds like a good idea with you starting to learn with your Dad and then having lessons - you will be fine and as you're young I'm sure you'll pick it all up in no time. You're a beautiful and lovely person so of course you will meet someone (possibly when you least expect it) so I know it can be hard but just give it time. Just keep pushing through and everything will come to you eventually :).
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